Today I’m writing in grief. A distant family but a very close family friend passed away couple of days ago of a sudden heart failure. This happened back in Iran and I heard of it through my mother half a day later. I’ve been told that it happened in a matter of few seconds, he was being his normal and living his life when all of a sudden he dropped dead, literary dropped dead. He was 63 and in good health. And he was such a good and caring person.

I can’t tell you how I felt for the past 24hours, I still am somewhat confused and disoriented. I hadn’t talked to him at least for the past 6 months. He was very close to my dad and I asked about him through my parents. His son got married almost 20days ago and I meant to call them and congratulate them, but somehow caught up in the middle of life and two children and missed it. Man I so regret that.

I’m not writing this post to talk about him and how he lived and died. He is gone and what we do with our lives after him is up to us. Bottom line is that life is too short and too precious to waist it for the right and wrongs, for fight and make-ups, and to run after something, without even stopping to take a breath. Life is too short and amazingly very complicated. We are all connected to each other, in our family, in our friend groups, and in our community. With loosing, someone so suddenly the connection is temporary lost; until everyone is over the shock and grief and find a new balance for that specific connection.

Normally I expect too much of myself and of course my loved ones around me. Today I’m rethinking my philosophy. I’m thinking it wouldn’t hurt if I let go of some things, but it would kill me if that discussion was our last. I remember my mother gave me two advices when I was very young. 1- Don’t start complaining and talking about any of your problem when your dad somebody walks in the house. You never know what kind of situation he has been on and you may get a reaction that you are not ready for.

2- Never argue or say harsh words when your dad someone is leaving, you never know if this is the last time you see him.

For the later advice, I’ve never argued at bed time or when, my husband or me are leaving the house. And never left a problem unresolved without a happy ending. Even if I have to apologize or just let go of something, I think I’m right. If everyone thinks that the person he or she are talking to may be the last person he or she talked to or his or hers last time talking to him, he or she would be very careful not to hurt him or be harsh or difficult.

Then earth would be a better place to live on.

Be happy, be kind, and live life to the fullest. Remember life is short and you only get one, make the best of it.

Until later,

Since my daughter was born I had rarely had alone time with my son. He is 4 years old now and whatever we do he thinks of his sister first, to include her as well. I know he needs time with me he just doesn’t know it and he resists of doing anything without his sister. I even tried to put my daughter in a recreation center day care for few hours a week so I could spend time with him but he insisted to go to the program with her.

Even when she takes her naps, he can’t stay away and checks on her a few times, until he wakes her up. I can’t say that they have the perfect relationship, they fight a lot but at the same time they love each other and I think I mentioned before that they get along best when they are making trouble.

Well today for the first time my son, was excited that his sister is sleep and he can have chocolate without her. He came to me with the biggest eyes and smile saying, “now that she is sleep can I have a big chocolate?”

So I decided to forget about what I have to do around the house and on my computer and spend the whole time with him. It was great; we watched piano performances and concerts on youtube. Then we went outside and lied on the deck, watched clouds and made up shapes. He told me his imaginary stories. We were using an umbrella for shade and he learned a bit about shades and sun. Then we played a little soccer, he scored a few goals and was very excited about that. At the end, before my daughter woke up he even helped me a little with cleaning up the house.

It was a great time for both of us. I also needed to bond with him.  With the two of them around all the time and getting on each other’s nerve and mine, times like this, is definitely needed. After this when my daughter woke up they had a good time together and I think it was because he was content of spending time with me and didn’t have to struggle to get attention. It is very difficult to do this often mostly because he is inseparable from his sister, even today in the middle of our cloud watching he left to wake her up and bring her to lay down with us. I know this is good for his behaviour and I’m going to make sure this happens more often. I’m going to set aside a time in my calendar just to spend time alone with him.

Until later,

I’m in the middle of changing my career. As most of you know I’m I was a home based travel agent.

Well, I still have my contract but I’m out of the business. I think some businesses are not suitable for moms even if you can do them from home. Travel Agency is one of them, my biggest problems with this profession is that my kids have a tendency to make the most mount of noise and get into trouble the minute I start talking to a client. Having a conversation with my clients becomes almost impossible. I’m not even going to talk about the other problems and difficulties of this industry. I would say My main problem was handling the job responsibilities and my kids at the same time.

This was a very difficult decision to make. For those of you who have read my other related postings, you know that I’ve been dealing with this dilemma for a very long time. I’ve been a travel agent most of my life; for almost 19years. After a long soul searching and trying to be truthful to myself, finally I’ve decided to quite travel biz for good.

Of course, I’m not the type of person that can handle not having a  job. Being supper busy is in my blood (I feel guilty if I don’t have an ongoing project or not being productive). So, I’ve decided to learn graphic design. I’m very excited about it and can’t wait to finish my online learning courses (lynda.com) and start working as a freelancer graphic designer. I’ve always loved creating images and working with colors and pictures. I think this is the best I can do right now to enjoy what I’m doing and handle my busy life with children at the same time. If I have to see clients, I can do that on weekends or evenings when my husband can take care of the children.  I can quietly work on my computer when they are busy doing a craft or watching their t.v programs. Right now my daughter is sitting on my lap while I’m typing.

Let me know if you have any suggestions or advises for me. I feel like someone who just graduated from school and is all confused about the career she wants to pursue.  I really can use your advises here.

Until later,

I hope you all enjoyed your day yesterday. It was yet very special to me because it was also my Birthday. I got to have mother’s day in the morning and Birthday in the afternoon, thanks to my husband.

He planned it all, it was simple, it was beautiful, it was perfect. The kids also behaved all day long so I got to relax and take a long shower and then a good massage.

Thank you love

Until later,

Direction:

Pre-heat the oven on 375 F. Butter and flour a round cake pan with a whole in the middle, set aside.

In a medium bowl, mix flour, oatmeal, salt, baking powder, fax seed. In a large bowl with an electric mixer, mix sugar and oil until combined, add eggs one at a time and mix well until you reach a rich light yellow color, add your flavour (lemon oil, lemon zest or Vanilla). Then add mashed banana and mix just to combine, the mixture won’t be smooth. Then add your dry ingredient all at once and mix it until all combined then add milk and then walnuts at the end. You will have an almost lumpy batter.

Transfer the cake batter to the pan and bake on the first rack of oven for 40-45 minutes. Check doneness with toothpick or fork, if came out clear the cake is ready. If after 45 minutes, still the middle is not done, reduce the heat to 350 and let it bake for another 10-15 minutes.

Let the cake cool on a wire rack and then transfer to your plate. I don’t use icing for decoration but if you like, this cake can be very nice with a lemon icing drizzle.

I have used the yellow cake recipe as a base, and changed it a bit to my liking. My son enjoyed helping me to make this cake and we all loved the taste.

I hope you have a good time making this with your toddler and enjoy it with your family.

Until later,

Tags: baking, banana cake, flax seed, oatmeal, toddler baking